Wednesday, October 31st, 2001
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12:11 pm - Had To Post This
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11:11 am - Time To Fess Up
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I know I am at fault for some of the problems in my relationship, most of the time I seem to cause them then realize it when its too late. I also know I am very good at making the other person seem like they are at fault. I have a very hard time talking, and showing my feelings. Most of the time I show no emotion. I am very predictable in my own way. Never do anything thing with out thinking it threw first. I need to learn to pull my head out of my butt and not be so stubborn. Need to learn to give on things not ignore them tell they get out of hand. my last post about Dennis and I was me being whinny and selfish because things were not going my way. I live in this world where I think things should happen a certain way and when they don't I get pissy and blame others and if no one calls me on it I keep doing it. Maybe I need to come with a manual so the person I am having a relationship with can figure out how I am built. or I just need to open my mouth and talk, things would be really simple if I would just let them be.
current mood:  impressed
current music: Cake, He's Going For Speed
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(Do You Dare)
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2001
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9:15 am - HeadLight
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I have been putting off fixing my headlight on my car forever think its been busted for about 4 months. Now I know why it was a pain in the ass took me a half hour. What ever happened to take the hole light out and stick a new one in?? Now they are bulbs, that you should not touch because it shortens the life of the bulb. I also had to seal the outside of the light it got cracked not sure how did not happen when I was driving it. Lets hope it works used silicone sealant, shit does not come off your hands very well just found that out. Had to buy more oil too, just put more transmission fluid in yesterday that crap just disappears.
current mood:  accomplished
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(Do You Dare)
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Monday, October 29th, 2001
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8:49 pm - Me
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I decided to write here tonight because I did not know what else to do, the other place I write seems so cold. Dennis is mad at me again and I have no idea what for, he seems to be really good at hurting my feelings and not caring about it.He always seems to be mad at me for something. I feel like I am living with a time bomb that I never know when its going to go off. I always feel like I can never do anything right, I am always so uptight and he can't figure out why. I guess I am more sensitive then I thought I was, I hate it when he yells at me I can't handle it and I always live in fear that he is going to at anytime. I am trying I really am I am not the same person I was 3 months ago that could not get out of bed, or cook or clean. My kids missed more school last year because I could not get out of bed to get them ready for school. Now they make it to school every day plus I have one more to get to school. I have all this responsibility and if things are not done right he yells. I am a mess and some how he does not see it.
current mood:  rejected
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(2 Dares | Do You Dare)
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Friday, October 26th, 2001
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8:36 am - Stupid People
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I know I should let this go but that's just not me. Some small minded person thinks he can fuck with my life from 800 miles away. Just not going to happen, it's not my fault the high light of his life is going to bars seeing if he can't pick up some crack whore to take home so he does not have to masturbate. Yet I could do so much more with my life, I have three beautiful children in my life and a charring loving boyfriend.
current mood:  amused
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(2 Dares | Do You Dare)
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Thursday, October 25th, 2001
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11:02 pm - Hello
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Why the hell does some guy on the other end of the computer want to know what I am wearing and if I have underwear on?? Hello how stupid can one get. I could be some man or 10 year old kid for all he knows. And another thing if your life is so pittifull that you have to ask my friends if your still the best sex I have ever had maybe you should GET A LIFE You know who you are.
Shy1inMT [10:02 PM]: can't ask me yourself??
Ryan the Rhino says:
ask her if it was the best she ever had...LOL
Ryan the Rhino says:
i know i shoudnt care...but its a brush to my ego if im not good anymore...LOL
Rhino71711 [10:04 PM]: sorry i even asked
Shy1inMT [10:04 PM]: you did
Shy1inMT [10:04 PM]: not ask me
Shy1inMT [10:05 PM]: damn typing in the dark
Shy1inMT [10:05 PM]: you asked april to ask me
Rhino71711 [10:05 PM]: im sorry i asked anyone
Shy1inMT [10:06 PM]: because
Rhino71711 [10:06 PM]: she asked me to check out your journal because of the new back page...and i saw that
Rhino71711 [10:06 PM]: and the line of him being a god kind of bugged me...
Rhino71711 [10:06 PM]: i know im useless about everything...but i was still clinging to he fact that i was pretty good at sex
Rhino71711 [10:06 PM]: not to get beaten down by that by a guy 12 years older than me
Shy1inMT [10:07 PM]: age has nothing to do with it
Rhino71711 [10:07 PM]: oh well..he is better...end of story
Shy1inMT [10:08 PM]: why does it matter who is better
Rhino71711 [10:08 PM]: your right...it dosent...its not like you were ever going to see me again anyway
Shy1inMT [10:10 PM]: it's like your obsessed if your better then the men i am with
Rhino71711 [10:10 PM]: just forget about it...
Rhino71711 [10:10 PM]: forget i even asked...you wrote me off a year ago...and gave me tons of excuses why you left
Rhino71711 [10:11 PM]: i was still clinging to the fact that i was awsome in bed...
Shy1inMT [10:11 PM]: who said you were not
Rhino71711 [10:13 PM]: ill remember not to ask anyone about things like that again
Rhino71711 [10:13 PM]: i knew you thought i was a waste of time...but at least i hoped i would have been the best sex you ever had
Shy1inMT [10:14 PM]: you did not ask me you asked one of my friends to ask me
Rhino71711 [10:14 PM]: i was hoping i was still missed...but i can see that im just a bad memory for you...
Shy1inMT [10:16 PM]: why did you hope you were still the best sex i had ever had
Rhino71711 [10:16 PM]: nevermind
Rhino71711 [10:17 PM]: i just wanted to be remembered by something good instead of "the 30 year old loser with no car"
Shy1inMT [10:17 PM]: never thought of you as the 30 year old loser with no car
Rhino71711 [10:19 PM]: well..fine...since my mood is totally ruined...was it better than me?
Shy1inMT [10:20 PM]: not going to answer that why do you care??
Rhino71711 [10:21 PM]: that is a yes...
Shy1inMT [10:21 PM]: nope that is i am not telling you
Shy1inMT [10:21 PM]: you don't need to know anything about my sexlife
Rhino71711 [10:21 PM]: i just wanted to cling to something that i might be good at
Shy1inMT [10:22 PM]: your good at feeling sorry for yourself
Rhino71711 [10:22 PM]: i guess so
Rhino71711 [10:25 PM]: it was a question that i asked someone...and she felt the need to tell you i asked it...
Shy1inMT [10:26 PM]: no you told her to aske me if you were the best sex i have ever had
Shy1inMT [10:26 PM]: like i am not going to know you put her up to it
Rhino71711 [10:28 PM]: i have the answer now...i wasn't
current mood:  aggravated
current music: Falling Even More In Love With You
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(5 Dares | Do You Dare)
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9:53 pm - Me
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9:34 pm - Babys
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Wednesday, October 24th, 2001
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4:32 pm
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Forgot to tell you all i got a hair cut yesterday will post pics soon.
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(2 Dares | Do You Dare)
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9:26 am - Who Knew
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Dennis is a God, if you need more information then that I can give it to you in one word. Orgasm.
current mood:  devious
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(4 Dares | Do You Dare)
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Tuesday, October 23rd, 2001
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3:58 pm - No Idea
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So I think I have writers block I have stuff going on in my life but can never seem to put it into words here. Maybe its just not that important anymore. Seems like catching mice in glue traps and making coffee and taking care of sick kids has taken over. You wake up one day in the middle of Montana and your life is all about how many mice you can catch on one glue trap. Or when is the next time your going to open your mouth and say something stupid to the person you love and piss them off. Dennis and I have a great relationship there is nothing wrong with it. It's just that we both have are own issues and I tend to project them onto this relationship. And I should not, he takes care of me and the kids, I take care of him and the kids. We get along great, he has a great ass, I know that has nothing to do with a relationship but just had to say it. He has a great touch and his eyes light up when he laughs, he has this great bottom lip I could suck on all day. the softest hair and skin. And this natural smell that drives me nuts.
current mood:  cold
current music: The Wind
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(1 Dare | Do You Dare)
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8:48 am - The Little Things
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When you let your guard down I can see the light in your eyes.
I notice the way you look at me, the way your eyes light up.
The difference in your touch.
The tone of your voice.
The smile on your face.
If you never told me you loved me I still would have known.
current mood:  content
current music: Winter Storm Warning
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(Do You Dare)
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Monday, October 22nd, 2001
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5:25 pm - Copter crash victim from Missoula
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One of the first Americans to die in this war was from Missoula Montana, I am very much against violence, but I know what we are doing has to be done. We can't let these people get away with what they have done. Kind of hits home when someone from a town you use to live in gets killed.
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(Do You Dare)
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12:24 pm - PUNK OR POSER
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YOU ARE 62% PUNK
Punk Fucking Cock! You are the sexy punk. Fuck Everything. Punk enough not too care, but horny enough to worry about image.
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(Do You Dare)
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7:57 am - Made It Home
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Was not sure I was going to survive this weekend, got toe huggen drunk Thursday night after I got to Miles City. Got to see a few old friends and my brother. Miles City is a cowboy town, so I really got the looks and was asked more then once if I was a dyke. I thought it was funny I knew it was going to happen, sure the people there will be talking about me for months that's the way the place is. Well I need a nap just wanted to let everyone know I was still kicken.
current mood:  exhausted
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(2 Dares | Do You Dare)
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Wednesday, October 17th, 2001
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10:49 pm - Can't sleep
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Dennis is sleeping away and I am still up, and I need my sleep leaving for miles city in the morning. Maybe its just nerves I don't like being away from him, and I know I will miss him a lot. can't seem to sleep if he is not in bed or near me.
current mood:  anxious
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(3 Dares | Do You Dare)
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2:47 pm - are you a lesbain
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Took this from Robyn
You scored 80
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Lezza, whatever. If it moves, you'll consider it. You are either a greedy bisexual, or you are greedy-bisexual-curious. You want to have your cake and eat it. Of course. Why have cake and not eat it? That would be stupid. Make sure you save a piece for me (slut)
Want to try it? are you a lesbian?
current mood: amused
current music: nothing
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(1 Dare | Do You Dare)
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11:11 am - Family
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I have been missing my dad so I thought I would repost the picture I have of us together.
current mood:  lonely
current music: Memory's Are Just Where You Leave Them
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(Do You Dare)
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Tuesday, October 16th, 2001
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10:35 pm - Guess Who.......LOL
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Lets see I spent a good part of the day messing with my journal. Not to sure if I like it, but will keep it for now or not who knows. Or I just might change it everyday. Thanksgiving is coming soon going to have to find backgrounds for that and I have to thank forgotenlove for helping me , he told me how to do it, well not do it I already knew how to do it. He told me how to make it so you could see the hole background picture. And Robyn hun keep your chin up, you want me to go beat that guy up in np2 for you?? Well maybe not beat him up but I am sure I could nag him to death one of my many skills. Would tell you the rest but don't want to give it all away at once.
current mood:  crazy
current music: Cake, Short Skirt
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(3 Dares | Do You Dare)
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Monday, October 15th, 2001
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4:47 pm
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Something I took from forgotenlove
01. time you started? 4:00 pm
02. full name? April Lea Zerbst
03. birthdate? April 18, 1974
04. nicknames? Ape, April Lea, not even telling you what my sister called me.
05. birthplace? Port Angeles Wa
06. hair/eye color? Red, green
07. siblings? 5 brothers 1 sister
08. last cd you bought? Disturbed
09. last movie you saw in the theatre? Grinch
10. last movie you rented? Dude Wheres My Car, don't even comment.
11. favorite subject in school? Skipping school
12. least favorite subject in school? PE
13. do you actually like math? Yes
14. who are your best friends? Dj, April
15. do you have a crush? Not getting me on this one sorry.
16. who are your best online friends? The ones who go away when I don't want to talk.
17. favorite actress? don't have one
18. favorite actor? Clint Eastwood, was funny as hell in the old westerns.
19. favorite movie? 4 rooms, White Christmas
20. favorite tv show? Farscape
21. favorite song? I remember you, Skid Row
22. favorite band? The Monkeys
23. favorite store? Hot Topics and Bath and Body Works
24. who's your favorite relative? My dad
25. favorite sport? sex
26. favorite food? twix peanutbutter bars
27. worst fear? Being alone
28. favorite color? Black and purple
29. best feeling in the world? Watching my kids sleep
30. worst feeling in the world? Knowing your losing someone and can't do anything about it
31. best memory? my kids being born
32. worst memory? the day my grandma died
what did you think of
33. bill clinton? moron you think he could have picked someone cute.
34. love at first sight? Love is either there or its not.
35. abortion? It happens
36. marilyn manson? Knows what makes money
37. premarital sex? Yes please
38. the jerry springer show? When I need a good laugh
39. dreams? Get in the way of sleep
40. drinking? A diet coke
41. god? No but I hope to be one soon.
42. what cd is in your cd player right now? Nickelback, silver side up
43 do you believe in heaven and hell? Yes
44. do you believe in angels? yes
45. do you believe in love? Yes
46. do you believe in aliens? Yes
47. do you believe in yourself? not offten
48. do you want to get married? I need to get a divorce first but thanks for the offer
49. what is one thing about you that pisses your friends off? My silence, and I am anoying
50. what is your favorite music video? danger lots of half naked women
51. do you have any stuffed animals? Don't think you should talk about my boyfriend like that
52. do you have any bad habits? Smoking
53. what is your favorite hangout? My dads house
54. have you ever been in love? Yes
55. are you a virgin? Oh hell no
56. where do you want to go on your honeymoon? My honeymoon does that mean I don't have to bring my husband??
57. where do you wish to be right now? Napping
58. what are you thinking this very moment? Why the hell am i doing this
59. what do you think of the song "pretty fly for a white guy"? They sould burn the cd
60. are you vegetarian? Nope
61. favorite kind of clothes? Tank tops and cargo pants
62. last person you called on the phone? Dennis
63. last tv show you watched? Um not sure been a few months
have you ever... ?
64. been on an airplane? Oh hell no
65. went swimming in the ocean? Thats just carzy talk
66. been to europe? no
67. been to mexico? no
68. been to canada? no
69. been to australia? no
70. cried in public? Nope
71. had a life changing experience? YES!
72. let someone cry on your shoulder? Yes
73. fell asleep in the shower?Nope
74. gone to church? Yep
75. climbed a tree? They don't call me ape for nothing
76. watched dawsons creek? LOl thats a good one
77. gone skiing? Nope not on your life
78. gone snowboarding? nope again
79. been on a motorcycle? Oh yeah my dad has a harley
80. fell asleep during a scary movie? Nope
81. stayed up all night? Yes too many times
82. played soccer? Oh yeah it was the only sport in school you could kick someone in and get away with it
83. played street hockey? No
84. been to a major league baseball game? Nope
85. saw a pro basketball game? No
86. kissed the same sex? Yep
87. kissed the opposite sex? Yes
88. eaten sushi? Nope
89. eaten fish? Yes
90. eaten caviar? Nope
91. seen someone die? Yes...
92. wanted to die? Once or twice
93. met a celebrity? Yes
94. met the president? Nope
95. driven a car? Yes
96. didn't wash your hair for a week? Yes
98. broken something valuable? Yes
99. skipped school? yes
100. bought ice cream from an ice cream truck? Yes
101. used your parents credit card without permission? no
103. gotten a cavity? Yep
104. broken a bone? Never
105. been given stitches? Um yes but not sure that counts
106. shopped at abercrombie and fitch? What the hell is that
107. made prank phone calls? Nope
108. gone into a hallway and done the nasty? More then once
109. gone skinny dipping? Yes
110. snuck out of your house? yes
111. been in a fight? nope
112. what is your favorite website? Livejournal.com
113. what is on your mousepad? My mouse
114. what is your favorite smell? Fresh baked bread
115. do you have any pets? 2 dogs 3 kids one boyfriend
116. is the glass half empty or half full? What glass think i broke mine
117. lefty, righty, or ambidextrous? Righty
118. do you type with your fingers on the right keys? Are there wrong keys??
119. what is under your bed? nothing tell you turn the lights out
120. what is your dream car? Its a truck not a car
121. do you have any piercings or tattoos? A few
122. do you want any? Yes
123. do you wear glasses? Yep
124. have you ever eaten a crayon? Yes
125. do you sing in the shower? Yes
126. do you talk to your pet? Yes
127. do you talk to yourself? All the time
128. do you talk in your sleep? nope
129. do you snore? Occasionly
130. do you shave your legs? Yes
131. what causes do you believe in? Myself
132. what do you think is gross? Fat people in spandex
133. what scares you? Sharks
134. where are your ancestors from? Poland and usa (native american)
135. what do you say funny? My name is not funny thank you very much
136. what is your worst injury ever? Never had a bad one
137. what is the hardest thing about growing up? Being the youngest
138. favorite quote? Oh hell no
139. are you crossing your legs right now? No
140. any closing statements? Damn I have too much time on my hands
141. time you finished? 4:44 pm
current mood:  cranky
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(2 Dares | Do You Dare)
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curious